I said something to the hostess a month ago. I'm not happy, as we are paying a considerable amount of money to belong and don't want to put up with these brats on our nights out. The kids are loud and constantly up and running around. However, the last few times we have gone, we have gotten stuck next to clueless parents who sit with other couples and let their kids sit at their own table. Our kids are grown and graduating from college this year, and we found ourselves with extra income and a social void. View CommentsÄEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I recently joined a local country club. Especially when compared to criticizing the decor in a house in which you are a guest. Is failing to do so a high crime? Certainly not. Burning the wicks suggests acknowledging their use, even if you do not continue to use them. The candles, being there just for display, are a bit like the fancy guest towels that hosts resent their guests using. Nevertheless, it is obviously a utilitarian object, the practical use of which you are ignoring. That is how you think of your family candelabra. Supposedly, you furnish your house for practical reasons - which can include the pleasure you derive from nonutilitarian objects for their aesthetic or sentimental value. The idea is to avoid displaying things purely for show. GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners explains this to you, are you going to use it as evidence that the entire field of etiquette - the whole paralegal system to regulate human social behavior at a tolerant level - is silly? Is she right? Do I need to light all of the candles, let them burn for a little while, and then blow them out? She said that I should at least present the appearance that the candelabra was used if I were going to display it. At a shower at my house, one of my friends took me aside to tell me that I was committing a decorating/etiquette faux pas by having unlit candles in the candelabra.
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